What does a border mean?

 

This poem is not a celebration

Somewhat  a deliberation

 

Often I have listened to the episodes of strife and hate

Narrated by my grandfather, the stories that never fade

 

About communal riots, separation and humiliation

About plundering, mental torture and frustration

 

I was a listener, so I drew my own imagination

Supported by the chronicles in movies and animation

 

I never understood the ‘why’ of it

The effects so sad, but what was the ‘cause’ of it?

 

National fragmentation and mutual disagreements

Joys and sorrows are the same, so are heart, blood, and sentiments

 

They look like humans, so do we, they behave like animals, so do we!

So, time to pause and ponder, pushing through a lack of clues, 

why this war stigma stuck to our minds like the flu?

 

Well, borders have only meant geography to me

Marked purposefully on the map

 

It breaks my heart locating divided pieces of land, 

because the books of geography and history

narrated plightful, horrific stories

 I am a clear-headed millennial born in the year 1989

I ask you, why these borders? What’s my crime?

 

This poem looked back, to many funerals and cremation

To each their own interpretation!

 

 

My beautiful wife, often said Jai

Don't say again, "I stay at home, I do nothing," he said in a determined tone.

Rashi smiled and nodded she won't.



It was an event she always looked forward to every year, she would meet Jai's friends. The yearly ritual of getting together with his colleagues and their spouses was a moment to look eagerly to, the evenings so fine, draped in their elegant best. She made a lovely updo, wore a silver and blue silk saree, and adorned her charming best for Jai's annual meet.




Said Jai, while making a left turn, "It hurts when you say you do nothing". Amidst Mumbai traffic, they happened to pass through a lush green trail of trees. While Jagjit Singh ruled the music player in the background at a lower volume, they both talked at length, occasionally reminding each other of their love for each other.



Jai still didn't feel like shunning away from the topic, and again reminded his beautiful wife of her value to his life"You turn cash into the crop I eat, you keep a check on my deadlines, you remind me about our monthly bills, you never make those PPFs suffer the penalty, however small it is. You go to and fro for picks and drops of younger one's academy, you do it all so seamlessly"


"I am just generally curious and habitually meticulous," said Rashi, being her modest self as always.


Reassures Jai, "I come home from work and go flat on my ceaseless linen, is because you 'do everything' and 'not nothing'. You do everything which is not visible, you are my force, my behind the scenes".

Popping Flowers of Glory

(Image Source: Fine Art America)

Those handful seeds                         blended in the soil

Turned into breathing bushes
With ever-widening roots

Promising a future
To me, you and every other creature

Popped out blue lilies, and yellow tulips
Rosy reds, purple orchids, and white jasmine

Every flower infusing a unique fragrance
Filling the air with floating perfume

How beautiful, it is to inhale this air
that pushes thoughts of wisdom
and sow yet another seed of freedom

Beloved to the Cigarette Smoker

             

 Hey Love!

                                                                                                                    

I passed by at five-thirty in the morning

Image Source: Pinterest

Outside your window to smell you a bit                               

All I sniffed was the cigarette smoke

Coming out from your white window

I took a U-turn again

Couldn't knock your door

Decided to leave you in Ecstacy

inhaling the scent from your cigarette

Crossing your block, my eyes turned wet

No, I wasn’t crying, I choked off the smoke

Hey Love!

Why don’t you love me?

Why don't you spoil me?

Like you are spoilt, by that cigarette?

Every step I took

I thought, why couldn’t you materialize those rings

I want no more the circles of smoke, 

but a ring slipped in my left finger

I stopped by a dreamy peach fence

Beheld a couple 

lost in each other, sipping their morning tea

My heart skipped a beat,

Dreaming why won’t you kiss me?

Like you stick mouth to your cigarette?

 Hey Love!

Conquering my head, are these wild thoughts

Open your eyes once,

look through the cloud of smoke

I was there, I am there and I ‘ll be there

Hey Love!

You go back to your cigarette every time

you quit it a thousand times,

for not more than a minute though

But tossed me away, like the leftover ash

think of me, as your cigarette

would you not come back?

just once more?

Self Love

(Image Source: Fine Art America)

I chose to wear hot-pink lipstick

I curled my hair a bit

though stayed in my pajamas

romancing Rhett Butler in the novel

I bestowed upon some self- love

Before stepping out

I wanted ‘not to change’ my skin color

With a dab from foundation stick

I painted myself in self -love

My baby, who ran up to me

For 10 times on repeat

She blabbered the same words
Her smile evident of ‘self-love’

When I could get angry, or sad
laugh hard, or just lay flat
I indulged in self love

Chucking off those silly conventions
Fearlessly adorned that badge of 'misfit’
I confided in self love


Not taking his abusive shit ever again
I rose up and walked off
I idealized self-love

They asked,
Why so mean?
Can’t you be selfless?
I answered, “It’s self-love”.

Given a choice to exercise
Would tell them a difference between
Ego and self-love


The more these words echo in my mind
The better it feels, yes!  one of a kind

Self-loving folks, I clap for you
Bow down and relate to you
For to love another, first

Smile at the image in the mirror

Amid Lockdown

                                

While talking in my head

An argument persists

Many a plans are dead

Still the talks I can’t resist!

‘Family’ the newly found folks

Chatting, sleeping & cooking galore

Realised we all stayed in the same block

Watching news all day, nothing more

Neighbours, I hear them in & out

Every time their cooker whistles

While I snack on my sprout

What’s cooking? I can’t find out

I like stories on ‘Instagram’ more

Amid lockdown, liking all posts

Dusted the bookshelf and did chores

Damn! eggs in the pan just got coarse

Made boring lentils and never ate

Clicked a fancy picture with salad

Applied three filters sitting with my mate

Life is a story itself, or a ballet?

Waiting for godot, yes I am

‘Dear Namo’ come assign another task,

Waiting desperately, yes we are

Here your people, suffocated of masks!

That first trip with my newborn was a journey of self-discovery

Being a mom for the first time is exciting, confusing, and challenging at the same time. It is a journey from ‘I can’t wait to hold my baby in my arms’ to ‘I can’t wait for the baby to sleep’. Motherhood tests you to the optimal and expects you to be enduring it at all times.

 Every new mother reading this out there should be able to feel what I am hinting at. It was just after one month that my daughter was born, that I had almost started feeling exhausted of all the household chores, attending to the demands of the newborn, struggling through the days to catch a nap, being hopeless about the pending laundry and nights where I made futile attempts to make the baby go to sleep. There was a time I even started reasoning why I needed to experience motherhood so much? What was I thinking before making this leap into motherhood? But then I saw my little girl musing on me with her twinkling eyes and those negative thoughts disappeared at a snap giving me ample reasons to choose motherhood.

The routine got repetitive and mundane. Rocking her through days and nights, feeding the little one at her beck and call, thus finding no room for myself. I was sipping down the coffee that was made hot but consumed cold. All that I needed desperately in the middle of this ordinary day was a long sleep and to be waken up by nobody.

The only source of enjoyment was playing with the baby girl during the afternoon hours and the conversation that I had with my handful was the most precious one that I miss when I see her grown up into a toddler now. Always being in a hurry to make her sleep and catch up on a nap or TV made me all troubled. Being a mother to an infant is so much about taking care of the needs of the baby that you forget that you need a break too.

Never thought of traveling so much apart from some weekend visits to family or friends’. May be sometimes at a favorite restaurant to make up for the rest of the tiring week that would keep her father away at work and both of us at home. Some family friends’ initiated a trip to hills, it popped out on me like a challenge and I couldn’t even think to take this one considering that she was just 5 months old.

PACKING!! This very word gripped my mind and heart! It would be like wadding the whole house- it was no more the same as before. Now we were three and not two. The third one was the smallest but her stuff would require time, effort, and space that would be the biggest. Deep down my heart I wanted this vacation, yearned to create memories with my daughter in the serenity of hills, wished to breathe in some fresh air but I was scared to take the next step. My husband motivated me and said it would be okay to put some effort into packing together because the holiday would be worth it. I smiled.

I made the list, maybe the longest of all times in my life. It was going to be my first trip with my princess. I laughed hard at the list of stuff that I had to pack along! I geared up like a soldier, I ate well, played some happy music in the house, and gave loads of toys to my baby. I kept her engaged in all the possible ways I could and went on with the packing. Finally, the big day came and I was still anxious ‘What if I have not packed anything that she might need?” “Check Feeders, Towels, Wipes,…...” I calmed down and let myself roll.

When we reached the destination it felt like one of the most appropriate decisions that I could take. The baby was happy, I was happy and we all were happy. It no longer felt the lack of sleep or that I was exhausted, I was much more animated, spirited and the girl I used to be. I thought it is all in our mind, we sometimes confine ourselves to one routine so much that we never dare to take up anything new. This trip was indeed rejuvenating and I explored myself to be dexterous and adventurous- a happy new mom (not to forget).